Last weekend was Alyssa Aubrey and my first “Redefining Our Limiting Beliefs—Women, Horses & Leadership” course and I have to say that we amazed even ourselves. The combination of the leadership intelligence instruction and working with the horses to experience the critical connection between the mind and the body had so much impact that every student had a transformative adventure. They were good enough to share it, and I’d like to let their words speak for themselves:

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This class far exceeded my expectations in so many ways- the setting was outstanding, the collaboration was perfect, the exercises (written) were right on and working with the horses was icing on the cake.

Cynthia and Alyssa took me on an adventure that provided a major personal and professional breakthrough.  I am forever grateful to you both.

KJ

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I was able to realize something about myself that I have kept buried for 25 + years. Not only did it come to the surface but also I am willing to deal with working through the issues.

DA

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What a unique experience! Cynthia and Alyssa provide a great opportunity for opening up to new thinking and intense understanding.

Both women are very powerful leaders and are excellent at holding space for each individual as well as being quite insightful.

BC

I’m a “head” person—I like to analyze things, I make rational decisions. I am more comfortable using my head than my heart. And in our culture, the head (rational, masculine, linear) leads.

But I’ve been noticing that my intellectual decisions sometimes don’t get me where I want to go—even the phrase “get me where I want to go” betrays that linear, rational mindset. With that mentality so deeply ingrained, how could I learn to trust my heart?

A horse taught me. A horse and Alyssa Aubrey, owner of Medicine Horse Ranch.

I went to Medicine Horse Ranch to work on the issue of self-care. As we walked out to the field, Alyssa had her eye on the herd of horses nearby. While I talked she watched them, and one of them came forward. The rest sauntered off.

Alyssa showed me how to do a lunge exercise, but before I could even take the line, my interaction with the horse took on a new quality. There was what seemed like a magical connection, and I burst into tears. The horse wrapped her head around my body. She almost scooped me up. I was embraced within her warmth.

I felt like the horse was very connected to me, supporting me, pushing me a little bit. I felt like I could take further step than I would take on my own because I had this support.

We stood there entwined for a long time.

And then Alyssa started talking to me, and I responded from my head. The horse walked off. I felt really deserted. Alyssa said, “The horse doesn’t have any time for your bullshit.”

The process revealed to me of how we use our mind and our thoughts and our intellect to process and make decisions, when it’s really our emotions and our sensations and our connections that should be driving the boat, that motivate our authentic selves.

As leaders, which most of us are at some point, we have to move from our center—our feelings—not just from our head. So we have to learn to value and use our feelings in being an effective leader.

I was so inspired by the experience that I wanted to share it with my friends and the women I work with. Alyssa and I created a course to help other women experience the force of opening their hearts to their own leadership power. You can read more about it here.

And by that I mean: suck your time, suck your energy, and suck the joy out of your work.

When I decided to return to school, reality—in the form of needing large blocks of time—came flooding in. In trying to figure out where to get those blocks of time, I realized I had a client I spent a lot of time with every week—but that client didn’t pay my regular rate. I had spent 8 hours a week with this client for the past four years, making about the same as I did working 3 hours for my other clients.

That’s five hours! I can’t afford to give away five hours! My mind-set shifted and I recognized it was impossible for me to continue.

But wait. I count on that income. What if I don’t replace it?

That’s the fear, of course. What happened when I opened up that space was that something else—better clients—filled it. The proof is that I just had my best financial quarter since I started this business.

Here’s the lesson: When you realize the value of your time, your time becomes more valuable to everyone. Let go of the things and people that hold you back—they aren’t serving your best interests.

It’s really hard for us to let go of that which is known and comfortable, whether or not it’s a good fit. We tend to be resistant to making changes in our client base. Even if someone is not a good match, if we can count on a certain amount of money, we tend to be committed to that relationship.

How do you know if your client is not a good fit? One common scenario is that your business is shifting: bigger clients, higher rates, and yet you have a client who isn’t moving forward with you. You’re still giving them a discounted rate.

Can you differentiate between your ideal client and the client who isn’t right for you? The best way to do this is to define your ideal client. You can do that with this worksheet.

And then look at your list with honesty and commitment. Divide your list up into (1) perfect clients, (2) okay clients, and (3) clients to resign.

You know the next step. If you find yourself unable to take that step, give me a call at (707) 665-5410 or e-mail me at cynthia@bizdiva.biz.

I have had my eyes opened. I’m at Sonoma State, pursuing my MBA, and I have already learned a thing or two.

Such as: There is no single perfect or right leadership style. Being able to flex between many leadership techniques—picking the ones most appropriate for each situation—makes the best leader.

The Five Practices of Exemplary Leadership®

1. Model the Way
2. Inspire a Shared Vision
3. Challenge the Process
4. Enable Others to Act
5. Encourage the Heart

Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner

To learn more about the Five Practices, visit the Leadership Challenge website http://www.leadershipchallenge.com/WileyCDA/Section/id-131055.html

The leadership styles I’m most comfortable with are: challenging the process, modeling the way, enabling others to act, and inspiring a shared vision. Turns out I’m weakest in “encouraging the heart.” That was a wakeup call.

Why? Because I am most motivated and most confident when a leader or collaborator “encourages my heart”; tells me I’m doing a good job, supports my process, really sees me. As much as I respond positively to that, and as much as that’s what really moves me, I’m slow to give that to others.

I thought that was just how I was. I didn’t realize that I could access a gentler, more coaching style of leading. But then I took this sailing course with my program cohort. It was a great opportunity to practice new techniques in a contained environment, and get feedback from other leaders. It was exhilarating.

And I learned I could access that encouraging, gentler way of leading. I looked more at the individual than at the situation. Rather than focusing on results, goals, and outcomes, I instead supported my team members to be the best they could be, regardless of the outcome. We were all in it together and my role, as the leader, was to reduce anxiety, support the process, and keep us connected while we learned to sail.

I learned that a leader isn’t born; we can train ourselves to lead using different styles and techniques that are appropriate for different situations. Knowing your team and knowing the desired outcome will help determine your approach. In addition to strength, modeling, challenging and conviction, I’ve added compassion, encouragement, and coaching to my tool kit.

So tell us about your leadership style. Does it work? Would you like to learn more about being a leader? We’d love to hear from you!

I’m facing the reality that at the age of 53 I made the somewhat spontaneous decision to go back to school and get my master’s degree. When I made this decision, all I was thinking was that the program sounded like my kind of program, it’s something I always wanted to do, and I thought it would be fun.

I assumed that it would be easy, something I would enjoy.

What I found was there’s also discomfort: discomfort because it’s a new situation, in being back at school, being in the gender minority, being the oldest, being a lesbian. Before class even started, I was surprised to find myself noticing these things.

Now I’m engaged in the process—the learning curve—of what it’s like to write a paper for the first time in 30 years, dealing with the new technology, working with financial statements for billion-dollar companies, and working with a team of men (not my people, not the same communication style).

So I had a meltdown 3 weeks into the class. The teacher couldn’t teach, there’s wasn’t enough structure or enough support. I couldn’t implement my normal strategies to solve problems. I was a failure. I cried. A lot.

And then I regrouped. I remembered that I’m not the only one having these feelings. It’s likely that most people in a new situation are experiencing some level of discomfort.

I realized there wasn’t anything wrong with me—this was natural. This is life. I evaluated my commitment to this process and realized that I am not a quitter. It became a challenge—which was the container I could put this process in for myself. I created my own structure.

What helps you deal with a new circumstance?

I stole this short essay on Strengths from a wonderful PDF of sayings from amazing people compiled by Seth Godin. You can download the entire online book here. I highly recommend it—it’s a great way to get yourself in the mood to envision 2010. Ask yourself which of these stories resonates most strongly with you. And then imagine having a lot more of that in your life.

STRENGTHS

Forget about working on your weaknesses —> Focus on supporting your strengths.

I worked on my weaknesses for 40 years to little avail. Still “needs improvement,” as they say. Why? Easy. We hate doing things we’re not good at, so we avoid them. No practice makes perfect hard to attain.

But my strengths – ah, I love my strengths. I’ll work on them till the purple cows come home. When we love what we do, we do more and more, and pretty soon we’re pretty good at it.

The beautiful thing about being on a team is that, believe it or not, lots of people love doing the things you hate. And hate doing the things you love. So quit diligently developing your weaknesses. Instead, partner with someone very UNlike you, share the work and share the wealth and everyone’s happy.

Relatedly, women are rather UNlike men and often approach problems and opportunities with a different outlook. Yet books and coaches oen encourage us to adopt male strengths and, lacking understanding, to relinquish our own. The irony is, studies show that more women in leadership translates unequivocally into better business results.

Wouldn’t it make more sense for both men and women to appreciate each other’s strengths so we all work on what comes naturally?

Marti Barletta, speaker, consultant and author of Marketing to Women and PrimeTime Women; is currently working on her next book, Attracting Women: Marketing Your Company to the

21st Century’s Best Candidates.

Forget about working on your weaknesses —> Focus on supporting your strengths.

I worked on my weaknesses for 40 years to little avail. Still “needs improvement,” as they say. Why? Easy. We hate doing things we’re not good at, so we avoid them. No practice makes perfect hard to attain.

But my strengths – ah, I love my strengths. I’ll work on them till the purple cows come home. When we love what we do, we do more and more, and pretty soon we’re pretty good at it.

The beautiful thing about being on a team is that, believe it or not, lots of people love doing the things you hate. And hate doing the things you love. So quit diligently developing your weaknesses. Instead, partner with someone very UNlike you, share the work and share the wealth and everyone’s happy.

Relatedly, women are rather UNlike men and often approach problems and opportunities with a different outlook. Yet books and coaches oen encourage us to adopt male strengths and, lacking understanding, to relinquish our own. The irony is, studies show that more women in leadership translates unequivocally into better business results.

Wouldn’t it make more sense for both men and women to appreciate each other’s strengths so we all work on what comes naturally?

Marti Barletta, speaker, consultant and author of Marketing to Women and PrimeTime Women is currently working on her next book, Attracting Women: Marketing Your Company to the 21st Century’s Best Candidates.

This post was written by Virginia Reuter of Ardentio for the Biz Diva.

I had an interesting week last week; lots of meetings with powerful, smart businesswomen. I met maybe ten new women, got to know two relatively-new women better, met with six I know pretty well in the Biz Diva’s group, and one very old friend.

This is what I heard: I’m good at this, I’m the best at this, I received an award for being the best at this in the county, in California, my clients say I’m great, I have great relationships with my customers. And I give away a lot of my time.

And the way they said it? Sounds like A LOT of time.

They said it with pride, as if it increased their value to their customers. They said it with shame, as if someone had already told them what a wimp it made them. They said it in a rush of embarrassment.

I cringed inwardly every time I heard women say this. Because? Men never say this. Never. That doesn’t mean we can’t say this, or we can’t just give away our time if we want to, or think about what this means to us. It’s just interesting.

Here’s some reasons why we give it away:

• You are a very nice lady. This supposes the opposite is true: if you charge for your time, if you charge what you are worth, you are not nice. And interestingly, we may be unconsciously adding to this belief. I know a woman (whom we’ll call Service Provider) who does charge what she’s worth, and she’s very careful about not giving it away. A friend of mine hired Service Provider, paid her a lot of money for her work, and then, when she asked for some advice afterward over the phone, Service Provider said, “We can schedule a meeting to talk about that, if you’d like.” My friend said some not very nice things about her. She didn’t like her attitude. But I wondered if maybe she just resented the Service Provider for not giving it away. Interestingly, my friend had often recommended that I use that exact phrase with my clients who ask for free stuff. But when she said those not very nice things about this woman, my blood felt cold in my veins. I really don’t want people to say those not very nice things about me.
• You don’t believe you are worth much. On some deep level, women absorb the message that they are worth less than men from birth. In my Greek family, the girls lived to support the boys. When I was at University, doing very well in my third year and loving it, my father told me that he couldn’t afford to send both my brother and I to school. My brother would be supporting a family, he said, and he had to put his money there. My brother didn’t even finish a year of junior college, but the message was clear. That is only one of many ways we are told to not compete with men.
• This weekend I talked to a friend from childhood, who has come to adulthood in a very different culture from the one I did. We talked about our wild and rambunctious teenage years. “We were ho’s!” she said. I took exception to that. I didn’t remember anyone giving me money. Giving it away says: I am not a whore.

How I’m going to deal with this:

Become aware that this is what I do now. I’ve decided that I’d like to change this behavior, but at the same time I’d  like to be aware of the underlying reasons for doing this. I believe I need three things to do this:

1. Be gentle with myself
2. Be willing to be uncomfortable
3. Practice “the pause.” I found this at the Savvy Women Earning blog (http://www.womenearning.com/blog/). It’s written by a very smart woman named Mikelann Valterrra. I’ve copied it here for convenience, but I high recommend you visit her site:

Using “the pause” instead of giving it away for free

A lot of women in business struggle with being overly nice. When people ask us to do something, such as give away our time for free, we have a hard time saying no. This is part of the “Good Girl Syndrome”- we want everyone to like us and we don’t want to make anyone mad. Often times we say yes when we should say no, and then silently berate ourselves. The energy cost of saying yes too much is very great. In fact, giving our time and services away for free, or at a discount, is one of the number one ways that women underearn. (Underearning is the pattern of consistently earning less then you need.)

Here is a tip to help with this. Use “the pause”. The next time someone asks you to do something for free or at a discount, refrain from answering. Simply say, “let me think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” It is ALWAYS okay to ask for time to think about something. Once you have some distance, and the person is not right in front of you, it is easier to think clearly. If saying yes is not in your best interest, you can plan your response. “Yes, I see the need, but all my extra time and energy is spoken for right now.” “Thanks for the opportunity, but it simply doesn’t work for my business to do that right now.” Using the pause helps the internal good girl gain perspective.

Do you give it away? Let us know how you feel about this in the comments!

This post was written by Virginia Reuter of Ardentio for the Biz Diva.

Having started and successfully exited several businesses, one learning curve I faced over and over again was my determination to go it alone. Fortunately, by the time I began building the business that grew into a multimillion dollar company, I had learned to get help!

We tend to have resistance to getting help because we think we know everything we need to know, we don’t want to spend the money and we really don’t have the time. Sound familiar?

I want to recommend getting out of your own way and taking the advice of sage experts: stop working in your business and start working on your business. This will require you to be uncomfortable but you will learn a new approach to business success. And the good news is, it works!

The single most powerful tool to help me work on my business is the One Page Business Plan. I have been using the one page plan for over 5 years, both with my clients and for my own business. Even though I am stellar at helping you with your planning, I work with a consultant to keep me on track with my plan. Getting outside input is vital to keeping my business on track.

Do you know how money works? Ben Steverman at BusinessWeek claims that Americans are functionally illiterate. Are you one of those Americans?

1) Do you have personal credit-card debt greater than one month’s salary?

2) Is your house payment (or your rent) more than 30% of your monthly income?

3) Do you have a savings account? Does it have a 6-month cushion?

4) Do you understand the concept of compound interest?

5) Do you know what your predicted lifespan is?

Three years ago, my answers to those questions would have put me in financial kindergarten. It was a sad way to live, with lots of middle-of-the-night hyperventilating. But thanks to a lot of hard work, some smart decisions, and the help of the Biz Diva, I got financially literate.

And can I just say how really really grateful I was when the economy tanked right after I quit my job and my husband was laid off? Because I wasn’t all that worried. Financial literacy gave me time.

My problem wasn’t so much that I didn’t know what I should have been doing. It was that I didn’t want to look at what I really had been doing. I wanted to keep my head in the sand. It’s the way I’d always dealt with money; it wasn’t so bad. There was a lot of anxiety and that sick feeling I’d get if I saw a quiz like the one above (6 months cushion in my savings account? How could that ever happen? Especially when I had 6 months worth of credit card debt?). Oh, and the worst? “Have you saved enough for retirement?”

Let me tell you what a great feeling it is to look at those quizzes now!

If you find yourself in that same bind, I recommend you call the Biz Diva at her new number right away: (707) 665-5410.

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This post was submitted anonymously.

If you’re anything like some entrepreneuresses I know, you may have been putting off some of the hard work of managing your business ’til September. These lazy days of summer may be affecting your motivation…

But! The Biz Diva is ready to help you get that magic back. She’s everywhere in the next month, assuring that you can find the perfect time, place, and focus for you!

August 29 in San Francisco, she’s on a panel for Powerful Women International: Your Vision, Your Dream: Uncover Your Power to Success!

• Re-ignite passion for your purpose!
• Create a value-centered strategy for your business
• Uncover hidden barriers to success
• Maximize your website with more qualifiable hits
• Effectively utilize social networking

Get the details here.

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September 15th, the Biz Diva brings one of her most exciting talks to the Petaluma Area Chamber of Commerce for breakfast: 10 Steps to Creating & Maintaining a Million-Dollar Business

(from their flyer) Cynthia Riggs specializes in taking women to the next level of business success. See how she can help turn your company into a million-dollar business. Her expertise is giving women the tools to maximize their business profitability. Those that attend this seminar are guaranteed to get inspired, get perspective, and get specifics!

More details here.

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September 30, Santa Rosa, for one of her famous 8-hour workshops: Make Your Next Step the Right Step

You’ve had enough business philosophy. Now it’s time to take action. The Biz Diva’s exclusive One Page Business Plan® Program has proven to be incredibly effective for all types of businesses and all levels of development.

In the 8-hour interactive workshop, Cynthia Riggs will guide you through the creation of a one year action plan filled with specific, tangible steps to help take your business to the next level.

Here’s the flyer with all the info.